


Learning to Live Again

by FormidablePassion



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Blind Date, Castiel Big Bang 2016-2017, First Dates, First Meetings, M/M, Past Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-09
Updated: 2017-04-09
Packaged: 2018-10-16 17:43:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10576284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FormidablePassion/pseuds/FormidablePassion
Summary: After the death of his wife, Daphne, Castiel spent years wallowing in his sadness and trying to move on. Finally accepting the invitation to a blind double date from his friends Charlie and Jo. Even if he can't find it in him to date romantically, maybe he could at least find a friend in this mystery guy.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for the Castiel Big Bang 2017. It was a story that has been pulling at the edges of my mind just begging to be written for some time now. I based this story on Garth Brooks Learning to Live Again and used that as the title. I do plan on one day expanding on this verse (be warned if/when I do there will be lots of angst and pain) so if you would like to be alerted when more of this story is added, subscribe to it, but I don't know how long it will be.
> 
> My artist [cheldraws](http://cheldraws.tumblr.com) has provided the art. Thank you for that.  
> See her art on [tumblr](http://cheldraws.tumblr.com/post/159370928820/my-art-entry-for-the-castielbigbang-i-was) and [DeviantART](http://chelberno1.deviantart.com/art/Learning-to-Live-Again-Castiel-Big-Bang-673830587?ga_submit_new=10%3A1491735876)

Music plays softly through the apartment - a classical piece by Lisa Gerrard and Patrick Cassidy _I Asked For Love_ \- as Castiel stands in front of the stove. His salmon pops and hisses as it grills. 

Taking a deep breath, Cas closes his eyes, losing himself in the music for a moment. Thinking back on the years that he has spent alone is no longer a devastating weight on his chest. He isn’t sure he’s ready for this but he is going to try. 

Opening his eyes, he checks the salmon and pulls the asparagus from the oven. As he closes the door, his hand brushes the inside of the door and he inhales sharply as the pain spreads. He quickly sets the pan on the stove top and holds up his hand, inspecting the burn. The line of red flesh along his wrist screams at him. Turning the burner off, he removes the salmon from the heat before turning down the hall towards the bathroom. After caring for his hand he steps into the hall, slowing his steps as he takes in the pictures that still hang like ghosts on the wall. 

Normally he ignores their life in photographs, but now he inspects each one in turn. The uncomfortable burn on his hand reminds him that while he may have begun healing, he still carries scars on his heart. The early pictures, when Sarah had just introduced him to Daphne, hold such promise of life for them both. They both expected to have a fling, nothing that would last until one of them was gone. The photos follow them through the years: moves, their first apartment, Christmas celebrations with friends and co-workers. Some, like the photos of Daphne with her students or of them on the beach, cause his heart to lurch. He stops at his favorite, an image of Daphne in a violet gown, hair piled in delicate curls on her head. Her eyes shone with tears as she gazed into his eyes, her hands tucked in his. He remembers her thumbs rubbing circles into his skin as he spoke his vows of love and life, committing himself to her until death. 

With a shaky breath, he turns away from the photos and heads to the kitchen to eat his dinner. 

“You can do this. She wouldn't want you to stay alone forever,” he mutters to himself as he sits down to eat. 

He sets his phone on the table next to his plate, staring at it as he slowly eats his meal. He could call them. Tell them nevermind. Or text. It would be easier to refuse if he texts. He picks his phone up six times to cancel throughout his meal, each time setting it back down. 

“It's just drinks. Not a commitment,” he tells himself. If anything, he’ll probably have a good time and just might make a new friend. 

Washing his dishes, he stares at the single place setting drying in the rack. He wonders what it might be like to one day to cook for another person again, a small pang of longing lodging in his chest. He pushes it away, heading back toward the bathroom and starting the shower. While the water warms, he retrieves a pair of boxers. He stops at the door and turns back, looking into the room he once shared with his wife and smiles at the memories created here. Unable to imagine any other person in Daphne’s space, he shakes his head. 

“It's just drinks. Not a commitment.”

As he washes he thinks about how Charlie had convinced him: _“Look Cas, it's just drinks, not a commitment. This guy works with Jo and she's known him her whole life. I have known him since Jo and I got together. He's a good guy. Just give him a chance.”_  

He didn't agree until she made it clear that there were no expectations. A friend. Even if neither of them prove ready to move on, at least here is someone who understood exactly what he’s going through. 

He steps out of the shower, wrapping a towel around his waist and wiping the steam from the mirror. The face that stares at him is one he thought he would never recognize again. There are more lines, etched into his skin in a way that only the razor sharpness of loss and agony can manage, and scruff that he only occasionally bothers to shave. His eyes look tired, dulled with age and the struggle to come to terms with everything that life has thrown at him.  
Turning the water to hot, he lets it fill the sink as he lathers his face with cream and wets his razor. He smiles at his reflection and a memory of Daphne telling him he looked good with a white beard. He’d responded with a joke about how happy he was he wouldn’t lose her in his old age because of white hairs. His reflection winces back at him. 

He draws his razor to his face and drags it down his skin, the feeling familiar and yet new. Much like the way he feels out of place, even now in his own home. Unsure if he is going to fit in or have anything in common, anything to contribute to the conversation. He’s so lost in the thoughts he almost doesn’t realize when his hand slips, not until the small line of red blooms on his cheek. He shakes his head, pressing a piece of toilet paper carefully to the spot to stop the bleeding. With a deep breath, he finishes, avoiding any more cuts.

Rinsing, he takes a critical look to ensure he hasn’t missed any spots. Satisfied that he is indeed clean shaven once again he steps into his room. He eyes the bed, her side of the room, willing himself not to remember right now. He may be pushing himself to actually do something other than sit around and be lonely, but he isn’t sure he’s quite ready to face the emptiness that fills him with sorrow. It would likely only fill his chest with guilt. 

Standing at his closet, he inspects his clothes. There isn’t much there for “date clothes” since he never really needed them with Daphne. They always preferred to stay in with a home cooked meal and good movie. 

Picking out a pair of black slacks that he knows fit him well, along with a white dress shirt, he lets his fingers dance over the various ties that he has hanging on display. Inevitably, his fingers fall on the one that was Daphne’s favorite because it brings out the blue of his eyes. He gently pulls the silky material from it’s hook and sets it on the bed with the rest of his clothes. He then picks out socks and a pair of shoes from where they hang on the back of the closet door. Looking over at the clock on the night stand, he notes the time. 8:15 pm glows at him in green lights.He has a little more time. He dresses quickly, setting aside his suit jacket as he steps to the dresser for his watch on. He reaches for it, hesitating as his hand hovers instead over the gold band he usually wears around his neck. It had taken him a long time to move it from his finger to a necklace. Now he’s unsure if he should put it on or leave it. 

The idea of leaving it feels less like a betrayal than it once would have, but he isn’t sure he’s ready for that yet. He slips it over his head, hiding it under his shirt. 

“I need you with me tonight, Daph, I don’t know if I can do this. I know you wouldn’t want me to live the rest of my life like this.”

 He puts his hand over the ring, letting his skin warm it and sending up a small prayer that she would help him through the night. 

After putting his watch on and slipping on his coat he glances at the clock once more when, suddenly, there is a knock at the door. Right on time. Jo is always so punctual. It’s something both he and Charlie love about her. He wonders if this guy is, too. He would just have to find out. 

He heads back down the hallway, eyes kept in front, not wanting to get caught up in the pictures again as he walks to meet his first possible romantic interest in years. Another knock comes from the door as he nears it. 

“I’m coming,” he speaks loud enough to let Charlie or Jo hear him. Opening the door, he’s greeted by a pair of bright excited eyes, red hair a beacon in the night. 

Charlie steps inside and quickly envelopes him in a hug. 

“You look good. But also like you’re about to bolt.” She smiles knowingly as she pulls back. 

“I’m... experiencing some anxiety about tonight.” he says, grabbing his trench coat from the hall coat closet. 

“Hey, look at me,” she says. He turns as he finishes pulling on his coat.  She’s staring at him earnestly. “There is no reason to be nervous, okay? He’s just a guy. A friend. Someone to get to know. No pressure. No commitment. Just drinks, Cas.” 

Cas nods and smiles at her, which apparently does little to reassure her that he is going to be alright. 

“It will be alright. Take it easy. Remember, he lost his partner, too. Even if you two just end up being friends, I think that you and Dean will like each other.” 

“I know, Charlie. It is just difficult still. I will do my best. It would be nice to have someone to talk to that can truly understand the difficulties of losing a partner,” he tells her solemnly.  
“Yeah, let’s maybe not bring it up tonight though?” She asks cautiously.

Giving her an incredulous look, he tells her, “Charlie, I am not so blinded by pain to not know that it would be wholly inappropriate to bring up the deaths of our respected partners upon meeting for the first time.” 

“Okay, Hot Shot. Maybe take down the attitude a little, too. Be open to this new experience, get to know Dean. He has his reservations about this as well. So just be available. Not in anyway that might make you uncomfortable, of course. Just, you know, listen, interact. Don’t close yourself off, okay?” She gives him a sad smile, her hands now resting on each of his arms.

“I will do my best, Charlie. For all of us.” _Especially for Daphne,_ he thinks. The least he can do is to make a new friend. 

Charlie gives him a huge smile, letting her hands slide down his arms, “Ready?” 

Taking a deep breath, Castiel gives her the only answer that he can, “As ready as I’ll ever be.” 

His heart aches as they step out of the door. He runs his hands over the ring below his shirt as he locks the deadbolt and feels a little lighter, remembering that this is something she would have wanted. He can do this. _Not a commitment. Just drinks._ He turns and heads to the car to finally meet Dean.

 

.o.O.o.

 

The car ride is pleasant. Charlie keeps things light her constant babbling keeping the awkwardness to a minimum. He has a chance at least to look at the man he had first met outside his house when he walked to the car. Dean Winchester had been polite enough to get out of the car and shake his hand, making the introductions smooth instead of odd and ill timed in the car. Castiel appreciates that about the man. 

Now he watches him as as they drive, Dean listening to something Jo’s saying. Castiel is only half listening. Instead, he studies Dean. A strong jaw that looks freshly shaved; an almost straight nose that looks like it had healed from a break long before with only a slight bump on the bridge; full, pink lips with a cupid’s bow most women would die to have; eyes framed by dark lashes; short hair that Castiel suspects is lighter when seen properly. Dean is very pleasing to the eye. He’s also taller than Cas, which, while fine, is surprising since Cas is not a small man. 

It’s obvious from the conversation he’s barely following that Dean is very much endeared to Jo and Charlie. Cas counts that as a good thing. Even if nothing but friendship comes out of this, it seems Dean would fit seamlessly into their dynamic. Although it could very well be Castiel fitting in. That thought gives him pause. Thankfully, he is saved from his traitorous thoughts by their arrival at the cafe. They had all agreed this was casual, so a date at the late night coffee bar where they played live music had seemed in the best interest to everyone. 

Getting out of the car, Cas and Dean manage to arrive at the door at the same time. Castiel opens the door and Dean, smiling softly, enters, followed by Charlie and Jo. He smiles to himself as he follows behind. It already speaks volumes to Cas about the type of man Dean is since he allowed Cas to get the door.

 He sits next to Dean at the cozy table, surprised he can feel the warmth radiating off of Dean’s arm.  Cas tries to distract himself with the menu. 

“You have got to try their dark hot chocolate, Cas. It is so good.” Charlie pipes up. She was well aware he had been to this coffee shop before, but he suspects it’s one of her ploys to get Dean and Cas talking. It apparently works. The other man looks over with an amused smile. 

“You don’t drink coffee?” he asks without a hint of judgment. 

“Not usually this late at night. In fact, I also try to avoid chocolate too late in the evening, it has caffeine in it as well, albeit a significantly less amount, but I can sometimes be sensitive to it and it will keep me up.” Castiel explains. He suddenly wants to kick himself. That seems like too much information. His social skills are rusty and he isn’t sure what is considered too much information. 

“So what kind of tea do you drink?” Dean’s mouth turns up into a half smile and he holds eye contact with Castiel. Castiel almost wishes he hadn’t. The intense green mesmerizes Cas for a moment before he realizes Dean had asked him a question. He chuckles a little at the assumption Dean had made. 

“I actually do drink a lot more tea than coffee. It depends on the time of day, my mood, and the taste I’m craving. I usually go for something without caffeine in it in the evening.” 

“So something like apricot amaretto?” Dean offers. 

“Yes, exactly like that. I think that is what I will have.” Dean’s smile brightens, and Cas’ smile brightens in turn.  
“If you ask me, you might want to try their harvest apple spice.” 

Cas tilts his head at the suggestion. It is obviously something that Dean has had before. 

“Dean, you don’t usually drink tea. How did you know what kind of tea has no caffeine?” Charlie asks him with a grin. Cas has the feeling Charlie already knows and is only asking for his benefit.

Dean looks at Charlie. “Charlie, you-” He stops and Cas doesn’t miss the pointed look she gives him, nor Jo’s failed attempt to hid a smirk. Dean’s brows rise quickly and he speaks to Cas. 

“Sam is a big tea drinker.” He glances back over to Cas and continues. “My brother, Sammy, big health nut. I mean, I understand the need to stay healthy, man, but sometimes I think that he might go to extremes. No man should deny themselves a good burger and pie every once in awhile.” 

“That would indeed be a travesty.” Cas watchs Dean’s eye light up at his words. 

“Exactly! Yeah, man.” Dean laughs, turning to Jo and Charlie. “See, this guy gets it.” Hearing Dean laugh makes Cas want to hear it again.

The server circles around then and stands next to Dean, leaning toward him with a flirty smile. “Are you all ready to order?” Her words are for everyone but it’s clear her eyes are only for Dean. 

Much to Cas’ amusement, Dean barely gives her the attention that her body language is screaming for. He’s polite, even gives her a kind smile, but it doesn’t hold the same amusement and fondness it does for his friends, nor interest like it does for Cas. Cas hides his pleasure at that realization even as she continues her attempts at catching Dean’s eye.

 As soon as the server is out of earshot, Jo teases Dean, “It sure seemed like she was interested, Winchester.” 

“Yeah, well she’s not my type.” 

Cas has been perusing the dessert menu when Dean spoke but something in his voice makes Cas look up, only to be met with green eyes boring right into his and a smirk playing at Dean’s full lips. Before he even has time to register the implications of Dean’s words, he speaks again, “The pie here is amazing. You should try the apple pecan, it’s my personal favorite. It might sound weird, but it is delicious.” The way Dean’s eyes sparkle as he talks about pie would make it seem like it is his favorite thing in the entire world. It also explains his suggestion for the tea. 

“Thank you for the recommendation. I might have to get a slice.” Cas can’t help but allow Dean’s infectious smile to warm him to the core. He still isn’t sure if he’s ready for anything quite yet, but the idea of having Dean around more is not an unappealing one.

Before the starring got awkward Cas decides he should ask Dean a question. “So you have only the one brother?” he inquires. It seems like a safe topic and the way the Dean lights up, it is obviously  one he’s proud to discuss. 

“Yeah, Sammy, my younger brother. We can’t call him my little brother-” 

“Not for years.” Jo interjects and Dean glances over at her then back to Cas. 

“Yeah, puberty hit and the kid shot up like a weed.” Dean chuckles and shakes his head at the thought, looking down at the table. 

“Seriously Cas, this kid is like a giant. It is freaky.” Charlie informs him. Dean reacts immediately. 

“You calling my brother a freak, Bradbury?” Dean’s voice is playful, and Cas decides this must be an old argument. 

Jo speaks up then, “Yes, Dean. Anyone who becomes a lawyer of any kind is a freak.” Charlie laughs while nodding her agreement. 

The night continues in similar fashion. The three are obviously good friends. It makes Cas wonder why he’s never met Dean before tonight. He sits back and watches Dean completely ignore the servers hints when she brings their order. 

He sips at his harvest apple spice tea, a deliciously flavorful drink, and smiles or laughs along as the three of them joke and tell stories. Dean happily tells everyone about Sam and Eileen and his excitement about his first niece or nephew that is due in six months. 

“What about you two? Any more talk of giving me another niece or nephew to spoil?” Dean’s voice is plaintive, causing Cas’s heart to ache. It’s obvious Dean wants his own children and that he would make a fantastic dad. His own dreams of fatherhood having been  ripped away from him, Cas completely empathizes. 

“I just don’t think that I want to raise our child there. I may end up selling the place.” The hesitation is evident in Jo’s voice. 

“You know, you didn’t turn out half bad, kiddo.” Jo smiles at Dean’s compliment. 

“Neither did you and Sam.” 

The tips of Dean’s ears turn pink as he shrugs it off. 

“Hey,” Charlie’s hand covers her wife’s. “We don’t have to live above the Roadhouse, babe. We can live wherever you want. My work can be done at home and I will just be a stay at home mom. It will give me the chance to give our kids the proper geek education they deserve.” Charlie beams at her wife as Dean snorts. The conversation continues on about Star Wars and Star Trek from there. 

While Dean and Jo argue about Captain Mal and Inara, Charlie leans over to Cas, whispering in his ear. “You’re doing just fine, Cas.” She sits back up and Cas gives her a small nod, thankful that for the confirmation that he isn’t ruining it by being so quiet. 

While giving attention to everyone, he watches Dean the closest. His body language is open and friendly, his smiles manage to warm Cas more than the tea, and he laughs often. Dean shares himself with his friends in a way that Cas hasn’t since Daphne. 

Despite all that though, Cas  also sees the signs. They’re the same ones Cas always put on for friends. While Dean certainly enjoys his time with his friends, Cas notices the way his smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes or the way his brow sometimes furrows. Cas knows those moments. Those are the moments that something Jo or Charlie said made Dean remember. And it’s still painful. Cas knows that as well. But despite that pain, Dean is still here. Dean is out in the world, living life, laughing, reminiscing, and enjoying the fact that he is still _here_. And Cas envies Dean. He finds himself hoping Dean will teach him how to keep moving, how to live again. 

Dean stares at Cas expectantly. He must have asked a question. Jo and Charlie are still talking so it must have been just for him. 

“My apologies, Dean. Could you please repeat that?” 

Dean chuckles. “Hey, man, I get it. Happens to me occasionally, too.” The smile Dean gives Cas is heartbreaking, so full of understanding. Cas wishes he could soothe the other man’s pain. 

“Would you like to dance?” Dean gestures to the floor in front of the band. There isn’t much room, and only two other couples sway together on the floor, their bodies pressing close. Cas smiles wanly when one of the men leans over and whispers something to the pretty brunette in his arms. Her head tilts back as her melodic laughter rings out, happiness shining in her eyes. Cas wonders briefly if  he will ever have that again. 

Looking back at Dean, green eyes hold understanding and Cas knows he can politely declined the invitation. Dean would likely smile and say something that would put Cas at ease, would let him know he gets it. Because even in the short amount of time they have spent together, Cas understands that is the type of person Dean is. 

His courage up, he nods. Maybe it was the knowledge that Dean wouldn’t push, maybe it was the tug in his gut and the whisper in the back of his mind that sounded a lot like Charlie telling him to take a chance and put himself out there. But he hears himself saying, “Yes, Dean.”  
Dean smiles softly this time, a reflection of what they have both been through. It makes Cas feel safe to do this with Dean. Maybe Charlie has a point. Maybe trying to have Dean in his life is a good idea. Dean nods, like he sees something in Cas’ blue eyes. Standing, Dean offers Cas his hand. From the corner of his eye, Cas sees Charlie and Jo’s attention on them both but he ignores it despite Charlie’s excitement seeping into his skin as she almost vibrates out of her chair. 

Cas puts his hand in Dean’s and notices that he also avoids looking at the women behind them. His hand is warm, soft in spite of the calluses. Cas swallows hard as Dean leads him over to the dance floor. The song ends and a new one begins. It’s not slow enough to be considered a slow dance, but it is slow enough to hold one another. Dean smiles as he pulls Cas close, their bodies not quite touching. Everything that Cas knows leaves his brain. It’s completely empty, the beautiful man whose hand is firm and warm on his lower back, his name, _what is his name, shit_. Cas is sure that he has forgotten to breath when Dean leans forward and whispers in his ear, “It’s okay, Cas. I got you.” 

Suddenly, Cas can breathe again. The tight coil in his chest that makes his heart ache, makes his lungs burn for oxygen, unfurls a tiny bit. He can feel Dean’s breath against his ear and neck and resists the urge to lean into it, to feel his skin against that spot. The desire catches Cas off guard. So he waits for Dean to lean back. Green eyes roam over Cas’ face, searching, before Dean asks, “Cas, you okay?” 

Dean is leading them, more of a shuffle of feet than a dance. 

Cas clears his throat. “Yes.” His voice is deeper and rougher than he expects because of the sudden onslaught of emotions and near anxiety that is gripping him, though Dean’s warm presence somehow keeps it all at bay. Dean smiles. 

They sway together to the music for a while before Cas finally speaks. “That tea was delicious, Dean. Thank you for suggesting it.” 

Dean’s eye sparkle with amusement, “Sammy always tries to get me to be more of a tea drinker, he finally found the one that I will keep drinking.” 

“Is it because it tastes like apple pie?” Dean’s eyes widen slightly in surprise, making Cas smile. “There was something about the way you talk about pie that made me wonder.” 

Dean laughs, and he’s even more beautiful when he does. He laughs with his whole body, head thrown back, laughter echoing in Cas’ ears. The movement presses their bodies flush against one another making Cas lose his breath once again. Something resembling panic grips Cas as something warm shoots through his body at the contact. It dissolves quickly as Dean looks back down into his eye. 

“You’re observant, Cas. Handsome, silent type, I guess?” 

Cas feels the flush and knows that he is blushing when Dean smiles wider, eyes wrinkling at the corners and his fingers twitching as they grip him a little closer, not bothering to pull away and offer the small amount of physical space they had moments ago. Cas finds that he doesn’t mind. 

They dance together for two more songs, speaking softly to one another as they press close. Cas isn’t sure if they are practically clinging to each other because of the attraction that they feel - something that Cas hasn’t felt in a while - or if it is because they both seek the comfort and understanding that they could only get from someone that has been through the same thing. 

Cas learns about Dean’s childhood. In turn, he tells Dean about his life as an only child. They laugh about things they share about their friendship with Charlie and Jo. Cas feels comfortable with Dean, and that makes him uncomfortable. He pushes the feeling aside as he listens to Dean talk about his time on the LARP field with the Queen of Moondoor, and  Cas is suddenly sad that he has never taken Charlie up on the offer to join. He wonders what Dean would look like dressed in period clothing, then immediately decides that is not really something that he should think about when the image in his head is so appealing. 

They fall into a comfortable silence and neither can stop smiling at the other. Cas takes a moment to think that this may be something that he could do. He really enjoys Dean’s company. He ignores the feeling of betrayal that weighs heavy in his heart. His smile falters and Dean opens his mouth to say something just as Charlie and and Jo walk up. 

“You two ready?” Jo smiles at them. Cas’ body feels cold and empty at the loss of Dean when the other man pulls away from him. He nods and clears his throat. 

“Yes. I believe we are.” He looks over to confirm with Dean, who smiles and winks. Cas smiles back. 

They all walk to the car and this time the ride is much more companionable. Cas’ hand rests on the seat between them when he feels the brush of Dean’s pinky against his. Dean looks out the window as he talks to Charlie about the upcoming LARP event that they have. Cas watches his profile as he turns his hand over and slides it under Dean’s, lacing their fingers together delighting when Dean’s mouth curves up in a smile. Cas watches him the rest of the drive, the way the street lights play across his face. 

Eventually, they pull up to a nice little house in the suburbs. Cas has been so lost in his thoughts of Dean and what it might possibly mean that Dean’s fingers are so tight and warm around his that he doesn’t realize where they are until Jo speaks up. 

“Well Dean, we’re here.” Dean’s fingers squeeze a little tighter and he looks at Cas, eyes full of questions and possibly even hope. 

“Can I walk you to your door, Dean?” 

Dean’s relieved smile and slight nod is all he needs. They unlace their fingers and exit the car, meeting at the end of the driveway. The walk up to Dean’s door is filled with silent questions. They arrive at the door,facing one another as Dean pulls his out keys from his pocket and smiles. 

The porch light casts soft shadows on Dean’s cheekbones and his whisper is loud in the silence of the late evening. 

“This is me.” 

Cas smiles as he nods a little. “Dean, I’ve had a great time tonight.” Cas looks to his shoes briefly, noticing their  toes are almost touching. “It’s been a long time since I’ve enjoyed myself like that.” Cas forces the strained words past the lump in his throat. Dean’s warm hand cups under his chin, lifting Cas’s face to his. 

“Me too, Cas. A long time.” His voice is just as rough at the acknowledgment. The unspoken words weigh heavy between them. 

Cas holds his breath when Dean leans forward, closing his eyes as Dean’s lips press softly against his jaw line. Cas lets his breath out as Dean’s own breath ghosted across his ear as he whispers, “Goodnight, Cas.” 

Dean leans back and Cas catches his hand in his. Not wanting to break the spell of the evening, Cas whispers back, “Can I see you again?” 

Dean’s eyes sparkle and his whole face lights up with his smile as he laughs softly. “We’ll see, Cas. You’ve got my number. Call me.” Dean’s smile warms him in a familiar way he doesn’t want  to examine too closely. 

“Of course, Dean.” 

Cas releases his hand and Dean unlocks and opens his door. “I look forward to hearing from you, Cas. Even if it’s just to hang out.” 

The apprehension in Dean’s eyes twists something inside Cas’ chest. Before he knows what he’s doing he says, “Is it alright if I text tomorrow?” 

Dean smiles and licks his dry lips. Cas watches the movement, feeling a phantom press against his jaw. His question does it’s job. Dean’s eyes are a little less guarded when Cas looks back up into them.

Dean nods. “Yeah. Text me tomorrow.” 

“Goodnight, Dean.” 

“Night, Cas.”  
As Cas walks back to the car where his friends wait, he does his best not to exam any of the feelings blooming under his ribs. He knows  they’re just jumbled. The overall feeling, Cas thinks, is bittersweet. He smiles as he gets back into the car. Neither of the women in the front bother to speak to him as they drive to his house to drop him off. 

For the first time in a long time, Cas looks forward to tomorrow.


End file.
